The first time I ever went to see a channeller I remember how excited I felt and yet I had some trepidation.  I expected  Spirit to judge me, to tell me things I should be doing to to be more, better and different.  I also felt guilty for spending the $50 (1982 prices) as I was a recently separated, single mother of two boys under seven and we had nothing.

However, I was ready to awaken, to be me and open up to my intuitive, magical side after years of therapy, eastern spiritual studies and transcendental philosophies. I had just experience several healing experiences that I took as signs that I was going the right way.

So, off I went, arriving at a run down mansion I headed to a  lovely one storied garden pavilion, with floor to roof small paned french windows along two sides of it allowing a clear view through the building to the sea.  The end sides were hanging heavy with wisteria and other climbing vines.  It had the look of faded glory, its height in the 1920′s and felt like the whole property was going to be ‘redeveloped’ soon.  It was cold and damp as I settled in for my reading, but I was charged and full of anticipation.

Tom, dressed in white cotton with long hair and beard, held a quiet presence and a meditative aura.  He  was supposed to be a very clear channel – meaning his own information didn’t get in the way of what he was channeling.  I was shy and he seemed like a demi-god to me.  He closed his eyes and began channeling. My mind was racing, analyzing every thing he said, trying to get passed my critical mind that was rolling its eyeballs.

I was more focused on the questions I needed to ask then listening to the answers, as I had millions of them and wanted to get my money’s worth.  Yet, at some point I felt a loving presence coming into the room. I started coughing as my throat desperately tried to adapt to the high level resonances.  My heart, nonetheless, opened to such a level of love and I “knew” the presence.  I hadn’t experienced a guide before and this one is a Master teacher of mine.  Tom’s tone changed as he channelled this being.

The teacher, in response to a question I had asked about being a healer, said to see myself as a drop of rain on a leaf, a leaf upon a branch, a branch upon a tree, a tree on the earth, the earth part of the universe.   To see myself simply being part of all.  Nothing special nothing better.  I pondered it long and hard after the session, but it certainly didn’t seem mystical or magical enough.  I thought that  perhaps he didn’t realize just how gifted i was or how much I wanted to be a miraculous healer.

I went on a frantic study to learn many different kinds of healing modalities and systems of spiritual healing, reading and therapies.  All useful and important steps along the way.Now, almost thirty years later, I realize they are all interpretations of other people’s constructs and cannot take the place of direct transmission from the One.  So, I  have gone back to where I started – yes still using structure when needed, but mostly simply being a channel for healing and opening myself simply to the One – like a drop of rain on a leaf.  It brings me great peace as I surrender the outcome of the healing to the One because it washes me clean of thinking I am doing anything other than being a conduit of love.